dog grooming school practice

I might have a hard time composing myself to write this, because I had a very hard day! It’s all the fault of Mom and that lady named Lia at Gentle Groomers. And maybe it’s even Candy and Dottie’s fault! I know it’s not mine. I didn’t decide to go to stupid dog grooming school!

The day didn’t start out all that bad. We had our yummy food outside, and then Dottie and I went inside. Candy likes to be by herself, so she went and sat under what the man calls a trailer.

Later, the man went and brought her inside. Mom said since she couldn’t figure out how to watch the videos from dog grooming school, she’d have to do her homework by memory, with his help. She got that obnoxiously loud thing and cut fur off of Candy. The lady named Lia at the dog grooming school said she had to cut fur off of her paws and her “woo-hoo.” Giggle. Her woo-hoo! I guess that’s where we have to wee-wee. Anyway, I’m glad it wasn’t my woo-hoo they were trimming for dog grooming school. I like my woo-hoo as it is.

We decided we weren’t going to spend much time with Mom today, because of this dog grooming school thing. Plus, I don’t like the fact that Mom makes me drag this leash around behind me. I don’t know what she thinks she’s going to accomplish that way. Someone told her that if she did that, we’d learn how to walk with her on a leash. No way!

dog grooming school dropout

Mom made us get in the car again and took us to that strange place again. Having to take the car ride was bad enough. Then, this time, instead of getting Dottie out of the kennel, they got me out. It wasn’t funny! Mom let that lady set me up on that table. She put that thing on my neck that she told Mom would keep me from jumping down. She told Mom that she would do “half” of me and Mom would groom the other half. I sat there patiently for a while as she clipped me, but I didn’t like it. Then, she did something that didn’t feel good, and I decided that I’d had enough. I started fighting them, until Lia put a “seat belt” around me, to make me stay on the table. I really don’t like this woman!

I pretended like I was getting calm to make them take the seat belt off me. After they did, I got even. I waited for my chance, and then I jumped up, pulling my neck out of that noose, and jumped backwards off the table. You should have seen their faces!

Mom and Lia tried to catch me, but they couldn’t. I was angry, but I was a little afraid, too, and, well, you know what I do when I’m afraid. I can’t help it. I heard Mom say she’d get a paper towel and pick up the poop off the floor. Lia told her I needed a bath, because she couldn’t finish grooming me. Good! I didn’t want to be groomed anyway.

Lia put me in this tub and put something around my neck so I wouldn’t try to jump out, but I was sick of her touching me! I jumped and fought and scratched and kicked — except I guess I was fighting with myself. Lia and Mom just stood there watching me. Mom got concerned because Lia told her I bit my tongue. I did, and it hurt! It also hurt when I hit my head on the tub, several times. I thought if I kept banging it against the tub, Mom would come to my rescue. What’s a dog supposed to do when they don’t want to be groomed or take a bath?? I wish I could talk to someone about animal abuse, but Lia said I was doing all the damage. Well, I guess I was, but it really was their fault.

My shenanigans, as Mom calls them, worked. Lia said I didn’t have to get groomed after all. In fact, she recommended Mom take me to obedience class and gave her some names. That will be the day!